True Self-Care Is More Than A Face Mask
Brianna Wiest’s essay, This Is What Self-Care Really Means, Because It’s Not All Salt Baths and Chocolate Cake, resonates deeply with me both as a therapist and as a person. Her words cut through the noise of curated wellness trends to get to the heart of what self-care truly is: It is, after all…. the work that no one sees, the choices no one applauds, and the transformations that happen quietly, slowly, over time.
“True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake, it is making the choice to build a life you don’t need to regularly escape from.” The sentence lands hard, doesn’t it? Because so often, we approach self-care as a way to patch over the exhaustion, the stress, or the overwhelm—another thing to “do” rather than something that deeply changes how we live.
What Real Self-Care Looks Like
Real self-care is often a deeply unbeautiful thing, it is often the raw and uncomfortable act of facing what’s not working in your life and choosing to change it.
It’s the moment you sit down to open that dreaded envelope with the overdue bill.
It’s choosing to tell someone you care about that their behaviour is hurting you, even when it feels easier to stay silent.
It’s walking away from relationships or environments that drain you, no matter how long you’ve been invested in them.
It’s recognising that a glass of wine or a bar of chocolate every evening isn’t self-care if it’s numbing what you need to feel and face.
Self-care often requires “doing the thing you least want to do” and in the work I have done with my clients I see how this looks for different people:
For some, it’s finally speaking about the trauma they’ve been carrying for years.
For others, it’s learning to say “no” without guilt.
And for many, it’s finding the courage to prioritise their own needs for the first time.
Healing as Self-Care
Self-care and healing are inseparable. I use talking therapy, somatic work, and even medical herbalism to help people reconnect with themselves and address the deeper pain that candles and face masks simply can’t touch.
“It is learning how to stop trying to ‘fix yourself’ and start trying to take care of yourself.”
This is what healing looks like—taking care of yourself with honesty and compassion. It’s re-parenting your inner child, soothing the wounds of the past, and building a foundation for a future that feels steady and good. It’s messy, like sitting with the grief of what you’ve lost, acknowledging the mistakes you’ve made, and choosing to try again anyway. It’s the kind of self-care that doesn’t look good on Instagram but transforms your life in ways you never imagined.
The Capitalist Self-Care Trap
Amil Niazi says, “The act of self-care has become yet another thing women are expected to be good at.” The wellness industry has turned self-care into a commodity, with endless products and trends designed to make you feel like you’re not doing enough unless you’re buying more. But the truth is, no product can replace the work of self-care.
Self-care is about living intentionally, rewiring your beliefs, meeting your own needs, and choosing a life that feels good, not one that just looks good.
The Work of Becoming Yourself
At its core, self-care is about becoming the person you know you are meant to be. It’s not about being perfect, or even exceptional. Sometimes it’s about letting yourself be ordinary, messy, and human.
And yes, sometimes it’s about salt baths and chocolate cake—but only as a way to enjoy the life you’ve built, not as a way to escape it!
If this resonates with you, know that it’s okay to need support along the way. That’s the work I do—to walk alongside you as you face the unbeautiful parts of self-care and come out stronger, freer, and more at home in yourself.
