The Hidden Wounds We Carry
Many of us carry invisible wounds - hurts born not just from what was done to us but also from what wasn’t.
The love we didn’t receive, the validation we didn’t get, the safe spaces we didn’t have to just be.
These wounds, often buried deep, can shape how we see ourselves and the world around us.
But here’s the thing: these wounds aren’t the end of the story. They’re just a chapter, and we have the power to write a different ending.
Learning to See Ourselves
How often do you dismiss your own feelings? Maybe you’ve told yourself, “It’s not that bad,” or, “Other people have it worse.” I’ve done it too - here’s a question: if a child came to you saying the same thing, would you tell them their pain didn’t matter? Of course not. You’d hold them close and let them know their feelings are valid.
So why is it so hard to do that for ourselves?
This is where self-compassion comes in. Learning to speak to yourself as you would to a child—with kindness and care—can be life-changing. It’s not always easy, it takes work, especially if you’ve spent years silencing your emotions. But it’s a practice worth nurturing.
The Freedom to Feel It All
Joy, sadness, grief, anger—these emotions aren’t flaws. They’re not inconveniences to be suppressed. They’re part of being human. Yet so many of us were taught to bottle them up. “Don’t cry,” “Don’t get angry,” “You’re too sensitive.” -Sound familiar?
I used to be told, “Calm down, stop being so overexcitable.” Years later, in my 20s, I realised this had shaped me: When friends expressed excitement, I often felt like the odd one out because I had learned to suppress my own. The more excited I felt, the more silent I became—a behaviour I’ve since worked to unlearn.
When we suppress emotions, they don’t just disappear. They stay with us, quietly affecting our mental, emotional, and even physical health.
One great example I work with a lot is healthy anger—a natural, protective force—yet often misunderstood. This is not the same as rage. Healthy anger is assertive and boundary setting - like a cat hissing at a dog to hold its ground. Healthy anger, when suppressed, can fester, leading to resentment, burnout, or even physical illness.
Not the Story, but the Experience
We grow to live under the influence of our stories. These are the narratives we’ve built around our pain: “I’m not good enough,” “I always mess things up,” “Nobody really cares.”
While these stories might be rooted in past experiences, they’re not who we are. But… here’s the tricky part: when we’re caught up in the story, we stop noticing what we’re actually experiencing in the moment. The real healing happens when we step out of the narrative and tune into what’s happening right now.
Learning to Feel Again
Let’s break this down. Imagine you’re in the grip of an old story, like “I’m unlovable.” Instead of getting lost in the reasons why you feel that way—replaying the childhood neglect, the rejection, the pain—try to pause. Ask yourself:
What am I feeling in my body?
Where is the tension? The heaviness?
What emotions are present?
When you do this, you’re shifting your focus from the story to the experience. You’re allowing yourself to actually feel the emotion—whether it’s sadness, shame, anxiety, anger, fear, grief—without judgment or suppression. And here’s the thing: emotions are like waves. They rise, peak, and eventually fall. When we give them space to exist, they move through us, rather than staying stuck inside.
The Simple Truth: You Are Enough
In many ways, our culture has lost touch with what it means to simply be. We’ve become so focused on doing, achieving, proving ourselves, that we’ve forgotten we were always enough.
When I think of indigenous cultures, I see something we’ve drifted away from: children raised in environments where they’re free to explore, play, and connect. No agenda, no need to earn their place in the world. They grow up knowing they’re enough just as they are.
Contrast this with the constant pressure many of us feel to perform, to succeed, to be “good enough.” It’s no wonder so many of us struggle with feelings of unworthiness. But the truth is, you don’t have to do anything to be worthy. You already are.
Boundaries with Love, Not Shame
I feel it is important to highlight that this does not mean I advocate for raising children with no boundaries, in fact, the total opposite - Being enough doesn’t mean life has no rules or structure. Children thrive on boundaries—but there’s a big difference between boundaries set with love and those enforced with anger or shame.
Boundaries are about guidance, not control. They teach respect—for yourself and for others. When we approach them with compassion, we create an environment where children (and adults) can grow into themselves with confidence and self-respect.
Breaking the Cycle
Trauma is not just about what happened to us; it’s also about what didn’t happen. It’s about the needs that went unmet—the love, the validation, the safe spaces. Recognising this gives us the chance to stop the cycles of pain and disconnection that have been passed down through generations.
It is not about perfection. Read that again….. Healing is messy, nonlinear, and deeply personal. It’s about recognising our own patterns, learning to feel our emotions, and creating a more compassionate, connected way forward—for ourselves and for those around us.
The Way Forward
Healing starts with self-compassion. It’s about giving ourselves permission to feel, to rest, to play, and to grow. It’s about stepping out of the stories we’ve told ourselves and tuning into the present moment—the real, raw experience of being alive.
It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it. Because when we let go of the pressure to do and embrace the truth that we are already enough, we open the door to a life filled with freedom, joy, and connection.
And that? That’s where true healing begins.
Want to start healing? It’s never too late to begin your journey. If you’re ready to reconnect with yourself, heal old wounds, and create a more compassionate life, I’m here to help. Contact me today for information and client availability.