When Family Feels Hard at Christmas

The holidays can be beautiful—twinkling lights, cosy evenings, maybe even a moment of peace. But let’s be real: this time can also bring up a lot of old hurt.

Family gatherings can stir up those roles we never chose—peacemaker, scapegoat, the one who’s “too sensitive” or “always overreacts.” Sound familiar?

If you’re feeling the weight of it all, here’s a gentle truth: you don’t have to stick to the old script.

Step Back and Breathe - Sometimes, the best way to deal with family dynamics is to take a mental step back. Imagine you’re watching the scene play out, like a story unfolding. When tensions rise, remind yourself you’re the author here.

Ask yourself:

Who do I want to be in this moment?

How do I want to feel when I leave tonight?

Even just recognising that you have a choice can be empowering.

You Don’t Have to Play Along - If the same old arguments start up, it’s okay to say, “Let’s talk about something else,” or simply steer the conversation in a new direction. If someone criticises your choices, you could respond calmly: “I hear you, but I’m happy with where I’m at.” It doesn’t have to be a battle.

Shake Things Up - Family often expects us to react the way we always have. What if you didn’t? What if, instead of getting defensive, you just smiled and let it go? Or excused yourself for a breather? Breaking the pattern—even in small ways—can feel liberating.

You don’t have to fix anyone else. You don’t have to play along with the drama. And you absolutely don’t have to carry the weight of everyone’s emotions. This season, focus on what matters to you.

It’s okay to set boundaries. It’s okay to protect your peace. And it’s okay to create your own traditions—ones that feel good for your heart.